Windy Wilson dropped
anchor at the philosophy
counter just about the time we’d finished the hash browns with
chile on the
side. Red this time. Windy looked terrible.
“What’s wrong, Windy?”
“These
here folks today …” he said. And we gulped a bit when we hear
a sentence begun
that way. “Folks today…” he sounded resigned, “they don’t ever
try to
unnerstand folks who ain’tperzackly like them. And people who
have a
leetlehandiclap? Fergit it!”
Yep.
Windy talks like that.
“What
happened, Windy?”
“Wellsir, Doc, you know I been gittin’ a leetle hard
a-hearin’ recently.
Sometimes gotta ask somebody to say somethin’ twice … you
know?”
We all
knew.
“It’s
that ding-danged tea kettle,” Windy said. “You know … got a
whistler on it for
when the water boils up? Cain’t hear it. I gotta be right in
the ding-danged
kitchen to hear it.”
“So
you got some hearing aids?” Steve asked.
“Naw,
cost too much. What I figgered to do was jest make that tea
kettle louder. I
saw one a them coach whistles in the store and I got that fer
only $3.59. Then
I got me a little piece of tube thing and I glued ‘er all
together. Hey, looks
good, too. I figgered, that there steam would come out and
actuarialize that
coach whistle, and I know I could hear that.”
“Did
it work, Windy?”
“Work?
Well, I should smile it worked,” he said, proudly. “I was
admirin’ that sound.
I could hear it even out in the back yard. Yessir. ‘course my
dog, Ramses, he
wouldn’t come back in, but it’s a nice day. It’s them other
folks.”
He
took a sip of coffee. “Wellsir, first thing happens is Old Man
Johnson next
door, he calls the fire departmentals and tells ‘em my smoke
alarm is goin’
off. Then Mrs. Garcia over the way, she calls the cops and
says my burglar
alarm is goin’ off. That ol’ brown dog of the Simpsons started
barkin’ and
runnin’ off toward Lewis Crick. Them kids at the playground
thought recess was
over and went back in to class.”
Windy
shook his head. “First thing ya know, sireens and flashing
lights up and down
the street. Oh well … two good things come of it, though.”
“Two
things?”
“Yep.
I can hear that kettle now, and I noticed I ain’t got no more
gophers in the
yard.”
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Listen to “Home
Country with Slim Randles” on your local classic
country station.