Sept 14 2021
So jest you rear back and tell ol’ Alphonse
here what you think of this, okay? Alphonse Wilson, here, the
one they call Windy, a-course, bringin’ you whatever’s the
latest stuff you need ta know jest to make your life a bunch
gooder.
This here guy did a write-up in a barber shop magazine
t’other day ‘bout how we got goldanged lizards runnin’ the
United States of Congress! If I’m lyin’ may my suspenders get
caught in a grain drill and deposit my butt in the silo!
This guy says we been run by lizard folks for a long
time now, only jest he and some other guys was smart enough to
notice. Yessir. Said he even saw it on the teevee on the X
Files, and you know they don’t fool around.
I jest wanted to straighten out what might be
goin’ bent on us here, so I read the whole en-tire story. He
said they wasn’t jest like our backyard lizards but a whole
heap smarter, ‘cuz they invented stuff and got rich and got
elected to the halls of monterzoomer. But they’re bigger. Yep.
Size of us. So how you ‘spose them lizards come to take over
the gov’ment?
Mighta been them push-ups. Ya see, I told ya I been studyin’
it. We all know that them lizards … he called ‘em reptiloids,
sorta rhymes with hemorrhoids, don’t it? Maybe thasscuz he
thinks they’re a pain in the butt. Anyhoo, lizards do push-ups
on the wall in the summer, and they eat bugs. Sounds ‘bout
right fer Congressionals, don’t it?
So here’s the problem: how can we tell if they’s
a lizard-guy before we vote for ‘em? Maybe when they all stand
on the stage and the moderate guy asks ‘em questions, should
oughta throw in a lizard question or two. You know, like
“Senator, do you hibernate in winter?” or maybe “Congress
Lady, whattya you think of the taste-a mealy worms compared
with ladybugs?”
There’s gotta be a way, or I’ll be a blue-bellied skink. And
you can tell ‘em I said so.
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Brought to you by Windy’s Words of Wisdom, a
vital part of Home Countrywith Slim Randles, on a classic
country music radio station near you.